Trial by Ice
by R-X - 1
Summary: Link needs a drink. In a cave full of ice, he does what any Hero of Time would do! P


The legend of Zelda and all its associated products do NOT belong to me. They are the property of some rich person, probably sitting in a Jacuzzi right this moment, smoking a fat cigar. Please, if you have the time, view the stories written by my fellow authors; Salia, Kaltia, Jesse Kushrenadaa and Nanashi.  
  
I thought of this story one Sunday morning after a family party/gathering. It's strange what goes through my head at two o' clock in the morning, staring at the 'stars' screensaver, after having slightly too much to drink.  
  
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Link and Navi are walking through an ice cavern filled with ice (DUH!). Well, Link was walking; Navi was actually flying around his head leaving a trail of whatever a winged thing like Navi leaves a trail of!  
  
Link's face turned to one of disgust.  
  
Link: Blech! I'm thirsty, and I got a groudy taste in my mouth!  
  
Navi: If you're thirsty, try eatin' some ice!  
  
Link: (nodding) That's a good idea.  
  
Navi flew on slightly (still leaving a trail of what ever it is. Can someone please tell me what it is?!?!)  
  
Link: OOPSH!..  
  
Navi: Link..? What did you do?  
  
Link: Buh Tung ish Stug!!  
  
Navi: Oh, for the love of... That's not what I meant idgiot  
  
Navi flew around Link's head.  
  
Navi: Leave it to the Hero of Time to get stuck to an ICICLE...  
  
Link: Fub ub, Nabi.  
  
Navi: (flying away) OOOGH! I have an IDEA!!  
  
Link: (looking worried) Weh you goin', Nabi..?  
  
Navi: I can get you free... (Flies next to the MASTER SWORD!) WITH THIS!!! (Navi is sporting a very evil grin. Hehe!)  
  
Anime style sweatdrop appears on Link.  
  
Link: NABI! If you come neah meh wid dat...  
  
Navi: Heh Heh. I'm just kidding.  
  
Link: (looking slightly ticked off) Dat wodn't funneh.  
  
Navi: (flies down a tunnel) I'm gonna try to find some help! Don't go away!  
  
Link: (tongue still stuck to icicle, and looking even more ticked off) JERK1  
  
Link: (Thinking to himself) Just where the hell is she gonna get help here? Dangit. I can't feel my ears!! I'm cold and Hungry. I need a hug...  
  
~  
  
Elsewhere in the ice cave, Navi is looking for help.  
  
Navi: That moron!! Of all people to do something so STUPID!! (Stopping suddenly) Hey, isn't that..? IT IS!! IT'S SHEIK! YAY! Maybe he can help.  
  
For some reason Sheik is walking alone, but is freezing cold and rubbing his arms to keep warm.  
  
Sheik: (talking to himself) I didn't expect Link to take this long. I hope nothing's happened to him...  
  
Navi: YO, SHEIK!  
  
Sheik: WAUGH!! (Grabs the talking, flying thing in his hands and squeezes) Stupid bug! You go squish now!  
  
Navi: No, wait! I'm not a BUG! I'm Navi!! AHHGG!!  
  
Sheik: (opens hands) Oh, No! Navi?! I'm so sorry! I thought you were...  
  
Navi: (slightly squished) Don't worry about it dude... (Flies up by Sheik's head) I need your help! Link is in trouble! He got his tongue frozen to a huge icicle!  
  
Sheik: Please tell me you're kidding...  
  
Navi: I wish I could, Sheik... Now c'mon!  
  
Navi and Sheik head for where Link is stuck.  
  
Navi: Let's go save Link from his icy fate!  
  
Sheik: Oh, brother...  
  
~  
  
Meanwhile, back at the huge icicle, Link had somehow managed to stretch his tongue a few feet by pulling himself to another large icicle.  
  
Link: (Thinking to himself) Alright!! Just a little more, and I can...  
  
Link's shoes lose their grip on the icy floor!  
  
Link: (Thinking) Oh, son ova..!!  
  
Link slams into the icicle face first!  
  
Link: WAUGH!!!  
  
Link's hat is now lying on the floor, and his blood is smeared on the icicle and his face.  
  
Link: (Thinking. Again!) That really hurt! I think I wanna cry...  
  
Sheik: What up, Dog?!  
  
Link: (Quite surprised) 'THEIK?!  
  
Navi: 'Bling Bling!'  
  
[For some strange, unexplainable, anime-style reason; Link's blood has now disappeared from the ice and his face. It is the power of ANIME!]  
  
Sheik: (Pointing at Link) you know... I could kick you dead in the butt and there's ^nothing^ you could do about it.  
  
Link: Dun' gib meh a weason ta kill yeu...  
  
Sheik: (Tapping chin) Hmmm... What's the best way to do this without much blood...?  
  
Link: ...  
  
Navi: doobie doobie!  
  
Sheik: (Holding a large hammer that just appears out of nowhere. The power of ANIME strikes again) I KNOW! I'll break you free with the Megaton Hammer!!  
  
Navi: Hey, that's not Link's hammer...  
  
Amy: THAT'S MY STINKIN' HAMMER!!  
  
Sheik: !?  
  
Amy: Give it back or I'll throw a HISSY FIT!!  
  
[Let me explain; Amy is a pink hedgehog from a Sonic the Hedgehog game. She carries around a large hammer to hit any and all enemies. Amy was designed with an anime look, so I thought it would be quite funny for her to appear out of nowhere and get involved; plus, I couldn't think of any other person that used a hammer.]  
  
Amy: (patting Link's butt) Awww!! What a cute BEEAUTOX!!  
  
Link: (looking pissed off) Ged off meh butt!!  
  
Amy: (walking away) Tra la la...  
  
Link: (crying; anime style) I'b nod habin' fun...  
  
Sheik: Don't worry. I have one more idea...  
  
Amy: (running back and smacking Link's butt) I ain't done YET!! BUTT JIGGLE!!  
  
Link: (looking VERY pissed off) HEY!!  
  
Navi: I think she likes you!  
  
* WACK *  
  
Amy: Wahh...  
  
Sheik: At least these icicles are good for something...  
  
Me: Sheik has just used a small(ish) icicle as a weapon and knocked Amy unconscious by hitting her over the head. Amy is now lying on the floor; probably dead; but ...um... already ...uh... forgot... er...uh. I digress, BACK TO THE STORY!  
  
Link: 'Tanks...  
  
Sheik: No probs. NOW, back to my idea... I can melt the ice... (A small flames engulfs his fist) with DIN'S FIRE!!  
  
Link: WHAT?! Was you born stupid?! (He's starting to look scared). Muh face is attached this!!  
  
Navi: (hovering behind Link) The pink thing was right!! Link DOES have a nice butt!!  
  
Sheik: (taking aim) Don't worry! I do this all the time!!  
  
Link: YOU LIE!!  
  
Navi: Hey! Go look at his butt! Isn't it a nice butt?!  
  
Me: WHY IS EVERYONE OBSESSED WITH LINK'S ARSE?!?!  
  
Sheik: (using Din's Fire) BOOMBANGABOOM!!  
  
Link: (clutching his face and crying; anime style) WAAAAH!! OW! OW! OWIE!  
  
Navi: Sucker.  
  
Sheik: I win, crackah!  
  
Link finds his hat and is pulling it on when they hear a rumble from above.  
  
Link: Whazzat noise...?  
  
Sheik: Uh oh...  
  
Navi: Bling..?  
  
Link + Sheik: (Both look up) A cave in..!!  
  
Sheik: My fire must have caused it!  
  
* KA-BOOSH!!! * The ice cave collapses; loudly.  
  
~  
  
Once the snow and dust settles, two figures are visible. Both Link's and Sheik's clothes are torn I a few places; and both of them are buried up to the waist in snow. Between them, a small, winged, glowing thingy is flickering dimly. A crumpled Navi is lying on the snow. [Anime sign appears above Navi, with the words: "NAVI BROKE!"]  
  
Sheik: (Pulling his mask from his face) HOLY SNOT!! Need ... AIR!! *Gasp!*  
  
Link: Melt the ice, he says! Do it all the time, he says!!  
  
Turns to face Sheik with a glare.  
  
Link: Smooth move, EXLAX!!  
  
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Well, what did you think? Please read and review. I'm accepting constructive criticism, but no flames. This isn't the only Legend of Zelda story I'm writing, so please, if possible; r+r my other stories. 


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